Today started off like most other cold & wet days, I started to feel depressed & lonely. Truth be told these feelings were actually carried over from the previous yesterday.
I’m struggling to come to terms with making a life for myself where I am the primary focus. Discovering what I truly do enjoy and having the courage to join in.
I recognised that to make any progress I need to think different.
For the longest time I thought that I needed to be part of a clique, and because I’m gay, a gay clique. Except this hasn’t really worked out for me in the past.
The groups I’ve interacted with have either been extremely shallow, judgemental, or focused on sex & drugs as a form of social currency. These interactions left me feeling confused, abused, insulted and even more isolated. I expected myself to change to fit in but in the process just felt more detached from my true sense of self.
So, I’ve decided to join a bunch of Meetup groups. Small communities that embrace new people and allow for exploration and true friendship.
I’m nervous to attend as some of them are well established and are focused around topics such as philosophy, or even just engaging in small talk over dinner.
But if I want to be a part of a community of people that share similar interests then I need to actively engage and get outside of my comfort zone.