I’m about half way through Brooke McAlary’s book Slow: Live Life Simply (I’ve got the audiobook, but you can get the hard copy too) and it’s really hit me hard.
I’ve been trying to go down the slow path for just over a year now, but not seriously. It was all too hard, because I didn’t have the time to really focus and stick to it without being distracted by something else.
Listening to it while I’m on the train to & from work has allowed me to slow my mind & embrace the journey home. No music or screen, just headphones. My iPhone & watch go into my backpack.
It’s teaching me to embrace the now, which has been fucking difficult lately.
I’m heading into my mid-30’s and when you’ve grown up partying & drinking, self medicating to diffuse all of the world’s problems, it’s hard to go without and be honest with yourself about your feelings.
It wasn’t until last night when I’d had a particularly rough day that I realised what was going on.
I can keep going the way I am, back down the spiral, and go back to self medicating so that I can keep up. Or, I can slow down. Change the world around me to fit me.
So I’m going to speak to a colleague and present them with this brilliant new idea.
It’s an ultimatum, demanding support so that I can keep balance in my life and not return to old habits. Because the company I work for can’t have the best of both worlds. The instant support. The breaking of concentration. The expectation that I will be there when the new systems in place start to break down. To respect the business agreements that neither of us chose, but must live by.
Either help me maintain balance, even if that makes life difficult for everyone around me, or I’m out.